I'm not big on "things" and "stuff". I got over label envy and being cool years ago. My idea of cool is not having a bunch of stuff aroung tying me down, and having as much saved up as I can manage to work towards the future and whatever she may hold. But every now and then I like to reward myself with a little treat. An "atta girl", if you will.
I've worked hard. More than that, the past year. I just do and do and do and never look up until I realize there's snow on the ground or the summer sun is boiling down. Ask me what day it is. I can't even tell you. I saw this handbag at the mall Saturday night. Tonight I bought it. With the matching wallet.
I won't say how much the total was, but it was a lot. The most I've ever "splurged" on myself.
But it made me happy. It was nice and shiny and smells like class! Then out of nowhere I couldn't stop thinking about starving children, kids who don't have coats with winter stalking us. Yes, I may deserve something nice. But does that mean I should have it? "Who am I to be blind pretending not to see their needs?" This bag makes me a hypocrite.
So I'm returning it to Nordstrom tomorrow after work. I decided to take the money and instead use it to buy loads of warm clothes for the three angel tree kids I've adopted this year. And maybe a latte.
I feel like an ass.
Life changes have surprises. You think, "Oh this will be easy. I got this." And somewhere along the way you sneak up on yourself and like a suckerpunch in the dark, you do one thing, like buying a purse and it shakes your world around. I said to my roommate verbatim, "Am I going to be serious about myself or am I just going to flap around with ideology and inaction?"
I have a handbag. It's old, but you know what... it holds my wallet, keys, sunglasses, and paraphernelia of similar sorts. And that's all I need. I've been blessed and I want to share that. No... I AM sharing that. Hah.
Sayonara, satchel.