Seen, but Not Heard

I've been doing a lot of introspection lately concerning people's outward actions versus their true intentions.  And where that all stems from in the psyche.  I remembered long ago as I was growing up whenever I'd try to state an opinion on something how often an elder would tell me, a child, that I was "meant to be seen, not heard".

In looking at this phrase initially, and the literal way people take it, it's pretty offensive.  Isn't everyone's opinion just as valuable as another's?  (Note that valuable does not necessarily mean right or intelligent or even thought out.  Just that it is an innate human right to have one.  Kind of like an asshole.)  So then what if there's an alternate interpretation for the seen & not heard adage?

Case in point, people beyond a certain intelligence level are sharply aware of the image they project onto the world.  It's part of me, when I want you to see it, and how.  It's not facades, or fronts, or masks, but a deliberate volunteering of part of one's heart that shapes the outward perception of someone.  I'd say 75% of us do this to a certain degree.  For example, everybody farts.  Yes, I'm speaking to the ladies, too.  But who goes around telling people about the epic fog they crop dusted in the vitamin aisle at Target?  Who wants that to be what people see?  ...Okay, there are some.  But for the most part you get my point.  We conceal parts of ourselves and only give out the best of us to those we don't know on a deep personal level.

So while this in itself is a form of manipulation, as you are manipulating parts of yourself to in effect put "the best foot forward", it's harmless, expected, and actually required of us if we're going to get anywhere in our careers, personal lives, and so on.  So the information that is kept in, the burnt cookies you don't take to the bake sale (if you will), is what we commonly refer to as our secrets.  Our deeply private personal factoids and feelings that truly characterize our true character.  Anybody who's been in a long term relationship will remember when they finally stopped being so damn uptight about bodily functions (ie: said fogging or leaving the bathroom door open for you hardcore kids).  And that's the point you get to when you're truly comfortable with another human.  I know it sounds blasé, but you see what I'm getting at.

Now, there is a dangerous... er, dark at least... side to all this.  That's when someone has a good enough grasp on this projected image to distort it beyond themselves.  For whatever reason, be it trying to impress someone they wouldn't have anything in common with otherwise, or maybe wanting to seem like a better person than they think themselves to be, or to be completely facetious with the intentions of malevolently manipulating someone to attain their own agenda.  Which in fact isn't an uncommon thing. How many smokers lie to non-smokers about being smokers so that they won't be judged or nagged?  How many people put on airs of religious kindness so people will think they get something that they truly missed completely and are scared to death to let show?  Or if someone wants to try and lure in a potential personality type to befriend, and thusly change their personality to fit theirs so the other has an impression of commonality on which to build a comfort level?  Remember high school?  Ok.

This is where the alternate interpretation of "meant to be seen and not heard" comes into play.  In a world of selective truth, how does one find reality?  (Ignoring that reality is itself individual, unique, and open to interpretation.)  Seen.  Actions.  Not words.  Anyone can talk themselves up all day long about how wonderful they are, what they do for philanthropy, or play the ever popular victim card for sympathy... but where's the defining line of deserved empathy?  Check their actions.  What people do when no one else is around is who they are.  Don't accept them telling you they did this, because most often the people that do the most good speak the least about it.

The moral of the story is:  Truth, is meant to be seen.  Not heard.